What Everybody Ought to Know about the Cars of the Future
September 27, 2011 Car Gadgets
Every day, millions of us get into our cars and ponder suicide while sitting in never-ending traffic jams, in a desperate effort to get to work on time. We’re constantly being told that life in the future will be very different than life as it is now, so will feeling suicidal in tomorrow’s congestion be any better than the present day?
Well, traffic won’t be an insurmountable obstacle for a start, because cars will be able to float upwards and hover above the log-jams. In future, we’ll be able to press a button on the dashboard and sit back while the vehicle takes us above the clouds, like George Jetson. Whether the skies are likely to be just as congested as the roads remains to be seen.
Sit back and enjoy the view
And satellite navigation technology will be so advanced that we’ll be able to programme a destination into the car and sit back while the vehicle drives us there. We can then concentrate on more important things, such as digesting the newspaper via plug-in brainwave systems, drinking astro-coffee and eating three-course meals in tablet form.
In-car entertainment will be a different kettle of fish, too. Thanks to holograms, we will be able to watch The Beatles’ reunion concert, while it’s actually taking place on the parcel shelf just behind the backseat headrests. And if we’re in the mood for something a little more highbrow, we can tap a button or two and listen to Charles Dickens reciting A Tale of Two of Two Cities. It truly will be the best of times and the worst of times.
Keeping the cost of maintenance in check
Maintenance costs are often the cause of serious concern for motorists, but in the future they won’t even exist. Cars will be completely unbreakable, and spare parts will last forever. Even tyres, which can burst at any moment in the current era, will consist of a concrete underlay which will flatten any nails of pins before they can do any damage. Take that, pointy!
Advances in fuel technology will mean that cars of the future will be powered by human urine, rather than petrol. There will be no filling stations, just occasional booths at the roadside that allow drivers to fill up in privacy. Heavy drinkers who don’t drive will be able to sell their excess fluid to motorists via an online auction site called Wee-bay.
David Rice lives in the UK and has been described as the Nostradamus of Neasden. He doesn’t own a car, but regularly hires one from Nationwide Vehicle Contracts.
